Dear young, wonderful lesbians,

atreeisatree:

dear-monosexuals:

Do not feel ashamed of your sexuality. I point out monosexism, but people are always learning. There is nothing wrong with you. There are plenty of wonderful lesbians concerned about monosexism. I’ve met some in real life myself. If you are concerned about whether you are monosexist, it’s a good sign. If you’re concerned and aware of it, you’ll be less likely to be monosexist. Please remember though, you are young and vulnerable. Protect yourselves, do not be fooled by lesbophobic people, even other minorities. Your mental health is important. If you think someone is being lesbophobic, call it out if you want, but protect yourself and remove yourself from the situation. You have my love and support. It broke my heart to see that ask earlier, hearing one of you is ashamed. Do not be. Be proud, love yourself, and keep yourself safe. You are important. I don’t have many lesbian followers, so I ask the rest of them to reblog or make similar posts. Girls like my last anon need reassurance. THIS is why we can’t treat the word monosexual as an insult. Do not use it that way. Do not say they are weird. Just don’t. Discussions about intracommunity issues are important, but we still must support one another.

Dear young, wonderful lesbians,

Monosexism is a homophobic theory and a terrible way to approach to gay-bpq conflicts and bi issues more generally. 

The name itself implies a form of oppression where “monosexuality” is upheld through biphobia. This is false. Gay and straight people do not make up a meaningful category when it comes to the marginalization of bpq people. The exclusivity of lesbian attraction is not upheld at the expense of bpq people the way heterosexuality is upheld at the expense of all of our sexualities. In fact, it is precisely the exclusivity of lesbian attraction that is often attacked through homophobia/lesbophobia.

There has been antagonism toward bi people from the gay community. This occurs for a number of reasons: prejudices and misconceptions about bi sexuality, suspicion and fear exasperated by living in a heterosexist society, negative experiences of homophobia with individual bi people, etc. The driving factors behind these conflicts are generally not the same as what leads straight society to marginalize bi and gay people, even though they can be just as hurtful to bi people. 

It’s wonderful that you are concerned about biphobia among lesbians! As a bi woman, I appreciate that you are looking for ways to be more understanding and supportive to bi girls & women. However, you do not have to accept a theory that doesn’t sit well with you, and makes you question your experiences with lesbophobia or the pride you take in your lesbian identity. 

You do not have to submit to having your sexuality relabeled in a way that puts you in a category with straight people. This is not necessary for supporting bpq people.

You may encounter people like the OP, who tell you that they support you and aren’t trying to make you feel bad about yourself, so therefore their use of “monosexual” is acceptable. It’s not. It’s not intention that makes something microaggressive; it’s how certain actions fit into a macro-aggressive context (that is, a context of heterosexism and homophobia). The fact that people are promoting monosexism theory as neutral, academic, or objective (“monosexual just means you like one gender!”) does not make it less homophobic. 

You do not have to be ashamed of being a lesbian. You do not carry some communal guilt for the negative experiences bi people have had in gay and LGBT communities. I hope you find a wonderful community of lesbians and bpq women, where you all can support and validate each other, and listen to the ways we may be hurting each other. 

This includes listening to your feelings about “monosexual” and a theory that says the exclusivity of your same-gender attraction grants you greater social acceptability along with straight people. 

If your feelings about this are consistently dismissed, you might not be in a community where you are truly respected. 

Signed,
A bi woman who is 100% against monosexism as a theory