thecoalitionmag:

The alien will seep into your depression, turn it manic and deadly. You will contemplate suicide so much, you realize that ultimately, a dorm room is a glorified jail cell. You will drink a bunch of NyQuil, and wake up a day later, life out of focus. You won’t move for two days after that. You will start drinking heavily just to engage in casual conversations with your floormates. You will fixate on your eating and exercise, some days you won’t eat at all. You will have sex with anyone who shows a modicum of interest in you. You will hang out with boys you shouldn’t and get written up by your RA, like an after school special. You will be forced to take a course on alcohol abuse, where you will think it’s safe to admit it—to quietly check the boxes that ask, “In the past 6 months have you felt depressed, anxious, lonely, or scared?” and “In the past six months have you thought about killing yourself?” You will regret it when a specialist pulls you aside to ask you if you’re okay, to come back for another session. Next time, you will look into their white and hopeful face and tell them you’re doing much better now. You will enter into an extremely abusive relationship with a boy who tells you he loves curry and never truly realize how miserable you are. Your only source of joy will be filling out transfer school applications. They become your lifeline. Each school will invariably demand, “Tell us why you’re worth it.” 

Alana wrote about trauma dealing with academia and whiteness